Blogging 101 prompt …
When it comes to first dates, are our apparent perception of those dates we assume are going well, essentially just the inevitable prelude to what will invariably come to pass, the ever so sincere “it’s not you, it’s me” speech or “I’m not at the right place in my life to dedicate to a new relationship” or some variation of it. Which let’s face it, those words coming from a man’s mouth translate to “I’m just not attracted to you”, well boys, men, gentleman. Here’s a tip … you could simply have said that at the time. It’s not that hard.
But when the honest answer isn’t initally verbalised, it’s then that one realizes with an overwhelming sense of disappointment that we or I was in fact the delusional one. Which is shortly preceded by a sense of revulsion, that I’ve fallen into this trap, especially when I consider myself a pretty well balanced, sensible and fairly intelligent woman. Why is it then, when a seemingly good man enters our lives, all common sense dissipates from our well adjusted mind and body for that fact.
This week’s Blogging101 assignment is ‘Identify your audience’; write a post you’d like a specific person to read. Focus your thoughts on this person and stretch your blogging chops introducing new elements to your storytelling toolbox by embedding a tweet, an instagram shot, a song that resonates, a map etc.
Since my blog comprises of various subject matters, narrowing it down to write to or for one person seemed an impossible task. No one immediately sprung to mind. But this dilemma was soon solved by my daily commute to and from work on Sydney Trains. A 40 minute ride affords me some quiet time alone to unwind, read, watch a movie, catch up on social media as you do and since I rarely tweet, this particular night, I decided why not, let’s see what Tweets are circulating. There might be something worth while and low and behold, I did in fact come across a Tweet both sad and funny, that immediately resonated with a similar experience I recently had, albeit on a different kind of scale.
@anne_theriault who live tweeted a play by play account of a bad coffee date she was witnessing. https://twitter.com/anne_theriault/status/617048235195154432
This instantly brought to mind a certain person I attempted the online dating thing with. And there you have it, my assignment dilemma solved. I knew exactly who I would write this post for. Granted my saving grace is I know he will never read this, and it’s this thought that spurs me on. So for sake of this exercise, as is the norm for wishing someone to remain anonymous, we’ll call you my John Doe and I dedicate this post to you.
I’ll admit to being out of the dating scene for the better part of 15 years, a decade of marriage followed by another long term relationship doesn’t give one much practice for getting back into the dating pool and boy has it changed or maybe I just got old. But experience has taught me “Behind every insecure, wary and untrusting woman, is a man who put her there”. This is me, sadly. Wary, very very wary and so it was a leap to even decide to venture into online dating, spurred on by a very persistent friend. And you miraculously materialized out of that exercise. But you live and learn, as they say and an exercise I shall not repeat in a hurry again, if it can be helped.
A bad coffee date we never had, but in hindsight it may well have been. I’m left wondering if the two brief occasions we spent together was purely a figment of my imagination, and I was in fact the delusional one as it seems that we were on completely different dates. Me, enjoying it, You, possibly pretending to, a fact you hid rather well. But in all fairness, I do give you credit for your exceptional conversational skills, and I am a sucker for a good conversation.
The biggest sex organ is the brain, they say. After weeks of conversing, I knew I was in trouble. You fired up my neurons like the fourth of July. Someone asked me once what my deal breaker is when it comes to a man. And it’s rather obvious. A man of substance with the ability to keep me mentally stimulated. And you turned out to be a wonder. Surpassing all those expectations and more. Our geographical distance for me was a blessing in disguise, it gave us a chance to get to know each other without physical elements coming into play, or so one thought.
There’ something to be said for vivid recollections of incidents, sounds, sights, smells. You had a few that are imprinted in my memory still. Your voice I recall certainly wasn’t how I imagined it would sound like. Given the fact that it was some time before we spoke on the phone, which in itself was a subtle kind of foreplay in a sense. Ironically enough my biggest fear; the probability that you wouldn’t understand my accent. I also recall a few odd words which I discerned must be a country thing. And you know how much of a stickler I am for correct grammer. One word in particular you used often, which I even came to love as it was uniquely you.
Your integrity and passion for life, for family, for work, for your hobbies, are endearing and impressive qualities. You have an incredible mind, a smile that radiates and lights up those beautiful blue eyes one could get lost in and a voice that made one feel like they were home. It was easy to lose all common sense around you. But there are worse things to lose, so I certainly can’t beat myself up too much.
So Mr John Doe, clearly it’s evident you have some redeeming qualities and character traits, but through this process, you’ve also taught me a valuable lesson too and that is to never entertain the thought that all is as it seems.
Men do in fact sprout sentiments of being grounded and seeking a good, down to earth woman with values, a brain and a sense of humour, when in fact, you’re secretly entertaining the notion that when you do eventually meet us in person, we’re the perfect creature, both internally and externally.
So whilst I do still chastise myself for being duped, know that at the end of the day, I can’t hold this against you. You are after all a man and with that will always come a small inkling of being superficial and wanting the perfect woman even when you insist you don’t.
So in conclusion, and thank you to @anne_theriault for tweeting about witnessing a bad first coffee date, it was a reminder that whilst mine was not a bad first date, it turned out to be pretense in a way. Which makes me wonder, next time I would in fact prefer the very bad first date instead. Something to laugh about afterwards and knowing there is no hidden agenda, no pretense, no getting duped.